Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
