Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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