Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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