I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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