I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
