escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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