either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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