I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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