Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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