I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I need water and some morals
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
