You just made me feel so damn special
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
