i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
