fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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