So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you inspire me to be a worse person
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
