so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
