I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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