ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
