Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
if only i could text you this smell
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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