guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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