I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
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