Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
