i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
