I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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