And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
