Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize