it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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