whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
