I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I supernannyed him into submission
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
