In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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