Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He felt like a one man threesome
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
