He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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