what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
