so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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