Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
