return my video game
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Don't EVER smell your tampon
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
where are you?
Hypothermia
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize