She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
