I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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