gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
