I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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