If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
