yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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