I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We left an ass print on the piano.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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