I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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