my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
