dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
