My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
