How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
