Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
