the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
