I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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