happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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