i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
