I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Randomize
