im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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