Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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