College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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