Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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