Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
