Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
