I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
