as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize