it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
