Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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