i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I smell like Dick and happiness
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
