Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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