I am puke
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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