just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
3pm strippers are depressing
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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