Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
