I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
