Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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