Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
