party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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