I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
