Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
