You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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