I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
