It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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