He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
