pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
...so i touched it.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
