I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
