So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
