Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm drive I can fine osifer
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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