At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
