she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He has the fingertips of a God
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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