What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
