Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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