it's not cheating when I paid for it
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
