I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize