You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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