I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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