No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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