I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
