A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
