me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
