So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize