omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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