i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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