listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
