any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
