I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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