You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
