Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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