Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
