i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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