so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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