insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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